Can I Give You a Ride Downtown?

Now, I remember where it is ... the Charleston Market

Going to downtown Charleston may be the most memorable part of my little sister’s recent visit. Stop right here if you think this is going to be an insider’s guide to the best places to see when visiting the LowCountry. I do not want to mislead you. No, this tale predicates a somewhat harrowing ride on the interstate. I wrapped up the trip with a new parking-space dance step.

Upon acceptance of the obvious that we ALL could NOT fit in one car, I grabbed my Vera Bradley key chain, my new sunglasses and said in my sweetest southern drawl, “Let’s hit the road, ladies. We’re headed to downtown Charleston.”

I was a tad bit nervous. See, I get lost. Always. Forget the fact I’ve lived here 23 years. I knew I would get lost. With me in the pace car, we might end up in Savannah. Before you ask why LT didn’t drive, LT does NOT go to downtown Charleston. Ever. Period.

I am an interstate driver- I like straight shots- get on a highway- drive to an exit, get off: you’re there. LT says this is why we live where we do… easy to get to from the interstate. To get TO the edge of downtown Charleston is a straight shot on I-26… but all good things come to an end.

All of a sudden I see an exit I think we need to take- forget that it is four lanes over- I go to side-driving mode and make it just in time. As my niece is traveling a safe distance behind me (I think her Uncle warned her) she navigated the lane change without using her side-accelerator. S didn’t flinch. She said she was used to my split second decision-making at the wheel. S reminded me of this as we were sliding across the interstate. Ah yes- our early morning rides to school after I got my driver’s license.

After we all negotiated the exit, I realized we had gotten off two exits early and were smack dab in the middle of an extremely yucky part of town. Oh, I hope we don’t get robbed, I said to myself. I would have to think up a helluva good reason to tell LT why we were even here! I cannot imagine the conversation going well. Thank goodness we made it without getting jumped. Now all I had to do was navigate the group to a parking spot near the market.

First, I cannot remember exactly where the market is in relationship to the cross streets. (Do not ask me why I didn’t check this out: enter my GPS, Molly, or the innumerable other ways one has to get someplace these days). So, we rode down Meeting Street with me saying, “Maybe here is close enough…. No wait, let’s go down a little farther… no, Ok, motion to park there. ”

They park, we keep going, and going, and going- Market is nowhere in sight. Finally, eight blocks later, I see the Market. I pull over and park (I don’t remember this being this easy last time,) I tell S to call the girls and tell them to drive up to where we are. I assume she called them, and they are on their way.

I see them coming in the distance- hard to miss a red Camry- I stand in the parking space doing my version of break-dancing. Guess what? The red Camry that pulled in was not my niece. I had just made a complete fool of myself in front of a nice couple from Topeka, Kansas visiting Charleston for the first time. I lied. I told them I was from Mississippi. I didn’t want to give Charleston a bad rap. They walked away shaking their heads. S told me to leave the tourists alone.

Finally ,from behind the mailbox where I was now hiding, I saw my girls. I stood up and said, “Hey, so glad ya’ll found us.” S was laughing so hard she had to sit down on the curb. I chose not to explain my sister’s ridiculous behavior. After much prodding, I gave in. We told them about the couple from Topeka and my attempt at rap dancing. Now they ,too,  were on the curb laughing.

Finally, I got them to stop and we went to the market.

Since I could see it.

Ahead.

I love it when my little sister visits.

Don’t Ask Me For Any Tomatoes.

The 'encouraging' looking box

I love tomatoes. My Aunt S loves tomatoes. This is how the tale of Johnson Topsy Turvy Tomato planting began. Two summers ago we spent hours on the phone yakking about homegrown tomatoes. Aunt S has a quaint vegetable stand two blocks from her house- the renown Johns Island tomato growing fields on Wadmalaw Island are just as far away as they sound: or we like to say in the south “a bit too fer to drive to evry day.” Sometimes we get them all the way to Summerville, but usually the tomato scavengers scarf them off long before they leave Charleston city limits. What’s a tomato lover like myself to do?

Bemoaning my sentiments to my Aunt S, I told her that I had been having a specific urge for a BLT for 72 hours. She assured me ‘that problem’ had already been taken care of- the solution was on its way via the US mail. She was sending me home grown tomatoes from the vegetable market? I was not saying a word- My Aunt S is known for her solutions.

Days went by… then the box came. I waited until LT came home before I opened it. When we did open it, I WAS surprised. Inside was my very own Topsy Turvy Tomato kit!

On the way to a local nursery to get some seedlings, I called Aunt S to thank her for my spring ‘gadget gift.’ Upon inquisition over the box ingredients, Aunt S became indignant. “Where are the tomato plants?” She asked me repeatedly. There must be a mistake. I’m going to call the company and ask them. I assured her LT and I had our budding forming, tomato producing topsy turvy’s location already located on our back porch area: not to worry about the plant mix-up ;-). We could take care of purchasing some tomato seedlings. Ahem. Couldn’t we?

Little did I know the curse of the Topsy Turvy Tomato planter; in some backyards succulent, delicious tomatoes grow, in others, no tomatoes grow. None. Nada. Zip. That’s right- no typo. We planted our tomato seedlings. We showered them with water, fertilizer and attention. We did not get any tomatoes. We did have a gorgeous hanging plant (that is if you could get past the piñata, crepe paper top of the TT).

Tomatoes before the bandits- nice, huh?

What’s a tomato-loving southern woman to do? I got in my car EARLY one morning to get to my vegetable market before the local vegetable bandits got there. My trip proved fruitful as the Wadmalaw truck had just left scores of ripe tomatoes for lucky lasses like me.

Note: When the Topsy Turvy Tomato ad comes on, LT and I look knowingly at each other before he promptly mutes the announcer.

Once again, we must remember, the thought behind a gift is what counts. Thank you Aunt S.

My Jack Russell Terrier Ate What? Part 2

pin by proxy

Sammy ate a straight pin. Yes, the kind with a point, a sharp one.

Remember the promised three-part Sammy series about my infamous Jack Russell Terrier: Why didn’t I go to Vet School? You DO remember the nice, fuzzy moment we had reminiscing about my fire-drill run to the vet’s office. Think back: when Sammy swallowed some of LT’s medications after his pill container fell and some of the days opened? Any who missed it can catch it in My Jack Russell Terrier Ate What? Part I.

Why is everybody excited?

This week, I take us back to a wintry morning in January. Sammy scooted into the pnut room, ran out, looked up at me and innocently smiled; his beautiful smile revealed a yellow-topped straight pin sitting parallel to his gum line.

then he swallowed it.

I stood, transfixed, disbelieving, with a milk bone gripped in my hand (plans were underway to barter said object way from said pet). He smiled again, swallowed the pin and trotted off. I freaked. I picked up the phone to call 911, but something stopped me. Perhaps it was the sudden recollection Sammy is a dog. Who knows?

Plan B- Call LT. When LT finally deciphered my hystericalese*, LT called our vet. Word came down to rush Sammy to Dr. G’s office to Xray his stomach. Maybe I was dreaming?Not trusting him in his little house, I strapped my seatbelt over the two of us, and tore out of our neighborhood in typical Jack Russell Terrier fashion, 99 mph.*term used to describe souther wommen dialect when distraught and talking at a rapid rate.

We slid into Knightsville Vet Clinic with me jumping out of the car in mid-park. As I clamored through the front door, juggling Sammy, my keys, my purse and an umbrella, I hit the panic button on my car keys. Sonic sound waves bounced through the building touching off a crescendo of barks, meows and human exclamations. Welcome to Sammy’s world.

A quick X-ray revealed what we already knew: sitting mid-esophagus was the now-curved pen. It had paused, in an endoscope reachable area, for how long no one knew, before it would catapult its way down the digestive tract of our rambunctious puppy.

Now what? Dr. G pronounced if we’re lucky AND Sammy does move around much- Dr. S at the Emergency Fancy Smancy Vet Clinic aka Charleston Referral Vet Center could go down with an endoscope and retrieve this now infamous pin. So, back out in the rain with Sammy, my Vera bag, keys- you know the story and off to the Internist we go. Sammy begins to cry. I begin to cry. He wins. I stop crying- I belt out a verse of “You are my Sunshine,” and guess what? Sammy curled up and fell asleep. The problem with this solution, other than the mere fact that I cannot carry a tune is that I only know the first two lines of this wonderful song. I approximate I sang these 2 lines 55 times each way, making a grand total of 110 lines of iridgelytunes in an afternoon. That’s a lot of singing.

I digress– arriving at “the hospital,” I meet with the Internist, Dr. Serge Chalhoub, DV, DACVIM, to go over the medical procedure he is going to perform, sign 22 forms and leave. I then drove home to wait for word after the surgery.

When the call came, I levitated off the couch as if I had never heard a telephone ring. Quickly composing myself, I sputtered hello. With a line straight out of ER, Dr. S tells me “Sammy did fine during surgery, we got all the objects out. He is in recovery now- we’d like to keep him here for the day for observation. Unless something unforeseen develops, you can pick him up this afternoon.” “Objects,” I question. “You mean he ate other items?” The other ‘items’ found included a piece of porcelain and some ‘fuzzy stuff.’ When I saw the fuzzy stuff I knew where that had come from- he got his paws into some of my doll stuffing! The porcelain remains a mystery to this moment.

As you would expect, all at the hospital fell in love with Sammy- He never even made it into a kennel. He spent the afternoon on the cardiologist’s lap! Sammy’s doctor at the Emergency Vet here in Charleston was a Godsend as a doctor and a friend. In addition to his skill as a diagnostician as an internist and nephrologist, he is an all-around great guy. He called Sammy at home Saturday to check on him- Impressive, huh? (I keep his card in my wallet.)

For the next few weeks, Sammy continued to grow, play and enjoy life at the Johnson’s. We purchased pet insurance. We all settled in for ‘happily ever after.” NOT. Remember- I told you this is a three part story.

Final part of “Why didn’t I go to vet school?” will be out in the coming days. Believe it or not, it surpasses the first two! Now, animal rights activists- understand: Sammy is never alone. I do not jump in the shower, leaving him to nap on the rug. Sammy goes in his little house if one of us cannot “SEE” him. We keep our eyes on him outside in our fenced back yard. I do not want anyone to mistakenly think he strolls through the house with free access to anything in his path.

Wait, do Jack Russells stroll?

Maybe we find out in the next chapter of “Why didn’t I go to Vet School?

 

 

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