Recently I have run up against a brick wall of critiques that claim I am a few cards short of a full deck as a “humor writer.” My mentor, Andy Rooney, warns students NOT to label themselves humor writers as readers then expect to laugh when reading an essay. Damn, I knew I forgot something when I had savor the ride redesigned; I neglected to include the banner stating savor the ride could, at times, be considered interesting but not quite funny. Forgive me.
Thank goodness I’m not on stage- as Larry the Cable Guy, is known to ask his audiences after a quip falls… FLAT, ” C’mon Ya’ll that was funny! “Sometimes we just miss the mark. We sit down and the next thing we know we missed the stool and find ourselves sitting on the floor. What is one to do when crawling around the floor listening to little snippets of “boring, boring?” I choose to bring in backup. My two favorites in the humor-writing arena are
- Erma Bombeck
- Andy Rooney
Because I am a good writer beneath the facade of making you chuckle (audibly or silently), I choose cohesiveness in my selection. I have a little gem my buddy Andy wrote on women over 50 copied on my clipboard. Now I know I have your attention and because I am a woman over 50, I can include it without fear of repercussion. So, without further adieu, here is a piece written by Andy Rooney for CBS 60 minutes. Thanks, Andy. I owe you one.
Women over 50
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
* A woman over 50 will not lie next to you in bed and ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.
* If a woman over 50 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.
* A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.
* Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
* Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
* A woman over 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women.
* Women over 50 could care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.
* Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.
* A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
* Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
* Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of him with some 18-year-old waitress.